ANTP'S PAYDAY MAILBAG

I do a mailbag on facebook every once in a while and I decided to bring it over here.  I will try to bring my mailbag over to the blog for now on. Enjoy!

Here is my question.

What is the best way to tell your girl she's getting fat without starting an argument and prompting her to make some changes?

This is a dilemma that all men of all races face.  It’s a few things that you don’t mess with a woman about and one of those is her weight. Why? Because as much as woman say they want the truth, they don’t REALLY want the truth.  But we are not here to offer excuses, that’s what we don’t do here at the mailbag.  So here are some possible solutions to this issue:

“Baby, what’s this I hear about Oprah starting some weight loss campaign, I think that’s dumb.” – If you tell a woman that Oprah is doing something and you DON’T like it, women will move heaven and hell to prove to you the Oprah is right.

“Baby, I paid for you and three of your friends for a year membership and flirty girl” – This make losing weight fun for your lady, she and three of her buddies can burn calories playing make believe sluts.  And she may learn some new moves for you.  A win-win for everybody.

“Baby, they put mild sauce on hummus now”- In case you dating a hoodrat, this may be the only way to trick them to do something.  Hoodrats are particular stubborn to losing weight.  Either they stay skinny or they get thicker and thicker until they shop at the Ashley Stewart version of Rainbow.

These are all the suggestions I have at the time.  Good luck as she throws something at you at the mention of work out.

Need to know how many years are acceptable to be older that the person you're seeing without coming off looking like R. Kelly?

This is a big dilemma, especially in Chicago.  To me it’s all relative to age.  If I’m 24 dating a 21 year old, that’s no problem.  But if I’m 19 dating a 16 year old, I may get the side eye.  But in the end we are all hypocrites.  As my good friend S.A. Davis said “if you see me in the streets holding Raven Symone’s $400 million dollar hands, you betta STFU and keep on moving.” Real talk, NIGGAS IN CHICAGO WAS NOT UPSET AT R. KELLY FOR FREAKING THE YOUNG CHICK, THEY WERE MAD AT HIM FOR PEEING ON HER, AND THAT’S FACT CHIEF. In fact, if you wanna be real, look at yo grandaddy and yo grandma.  In the black culture yo grandady maybe 8 years or more older than yo grandma and they didn’t get married in their late 20s or 30s.  YALL NEED TO START ACTING LIKE R KELLY INVENTED THIS YOUNG GIRL LUST. IKE TURNER TOOK TINA OUT HER MOMMA HOUSE WITH HER MOMMA’S CONSENT. HER MOMMA WOULDA WENT, BUT IKE AINT WANT HER OLD ASS. OLDER PEOPLE KILL ME WHEN THEY ACT LIKE SMOKEY ROBINSON WAS BANGING OLDER CHICKS ON THE TOUR BUS. NO! SMOKEY ROBINSON BEAUTIFUL LIGHTSKIN SELF WAS BANGING TEENAGERS TOO. EVERYBODY RELAX AND GET OFF R KELLY BACKS.  YES I GET EMOTIONAL DEFENDING R.KELLY LOL.

What are your thoughts of 4Loko ?

I have never had 4loko, but any alcohol that gets banned has to be crack in the bottle.  Do you realize how hard it is to ban alcohol, especially when they still find it legal to sell colt 45?  In college, me and my friends intentionally brought a 40 ounce to see what the experience would be like.  I took a sip of that shit and immediately spit it out.  Colt 45 taste like herpes infested urine combined with the worst parts of the bible.  I thought I was surely going to die.  And that is LEGAL.  But the crazy part is, dealing with black folk, since it is now deemed illegal to sell, niggas wanna try it now.  IM SURE THIS IS HOW COCAINE GOT ITS START IDIOTS!

Whatever happened to 3piece and what’s the last Twista album you bought?

I always wondered about what happened to three piece, and recently got reports that they were going to beaty shops to peddle a new album entitled “The red line.” Anywho, as much as they fell off, you cannot deny that summer of 2001, they song had you doing all type of stuff to women in the club,  I remember college night at the 50 Yard Line (now known as the Lick to you young whippersnappers) and they performed in the middle of the party.  A person who shall remain nameless on my friends list gave me to this day the best dance I received in the club, strippers included.  Enough of that though.  The last twister album I brought was adrenalin rush.  I bootleg the good one when I was in college, but I don’t plan on buying anymore.  Twister songs all sound like they were produced in the back of Uncle Remus.  No thank you.

Please rank the following: Drose, CP3, Rondo, Deron Williams

Now this is a question.  This is my answer as of today at 1:05pm…

1)      CP3-People forgot how good Chris Paul is when healthy.  I mean, he is playing point guard like God intended it to be.

2)      Deron Williams- Not too far behind, bigger body, slightly better shooter…but points deducted because he is light skinned with a receding hairline he tries to hide.

3)      Derrick Rose- I’m sorry But I cannot in good conscious put him below rondo.  The reason:  You can start a team around Paul, Williams, and Rose.  You can’t start building your team around Rondo.  And I reserve the right for when Boozer gets back to rate Rose higher, because he scores better than any point guard right now, while averaging 10 assist.

4)      Rondo-Needless to say, I love Rondo’s game, he has an uncanny ability to put the ball in the exact spot his teammate needs it. And his rebounding is uncanny.

How do you feel about married people looking through each other’s cell phone?

That is tricky.  I always have a simple rule:  If you aren’t paying this bill, than you aren’t looking through my phone on the regular.  I have always lived by that creed.  It saves both parties time, headache, and a good shaking.  But at the same time, if my wife picks up my phone, so be it.  If you married I suggest you not cheat so this won’t be a problem at all lol.

What do you really think of the Q and A game we played on facebook this week?

I thought it was fun…for two days.  By day three, people were just being messy and they young people of facebook have no class at all with what to put up on what not to put up.  It was an opportunity to tell somebody you had a crush on them, even though they probably already knew.  It was an opportunity to tell someone why you stop talking to them, even though, again, you probably had been guessed the answer.  Overall, it was a fun read that helped me waste time during the work day.  To all the people that acted like they were too old or mature to play…Get over yourself.  Nobody could care less about your wanna be older lame ass answering questions.  We already knew you were a whore or a lame to begin with.

WHY BLACK PEOPLE DON'T VOTE AND MY SOLUTIONS FOR IT...

My good friend Elliott called me today and said "Ant P, what is all the commotion about with this election?  Why are people complaining about it when they havent tweeted about it until yesterday?"  I told him you know how are people are, we are quick to complain about anything.  Then I caught wind of the actual percentages of african americans that voted...4.7%.  That is sad, like really sad.  It got me to thinking, what are the reasons my people dont vote?  What could we do about it? Well...lets see i we ca figure it out....

1) THE ACTUAL VOTING PROCESS ITS OUTDATED AND TEDIOUS...
I woke up yesterday morning wondering how I was getting to the polling place.  See I still use my grandma address as my address because I dont trust my mail going to the east side of chicago (if you know me, you know I dont particular care for the type of people that leave east of cottage grove).  I ended up borrowing a co workers car and driving to vote during my lunch hour (my job gave us 2 hours to vote).  This was a rather inconvenient thing since I had a lot of work to do yesterday.  Why is this voting process so hard?  There are numerous things that are asinine that you can do easier than voting.  You can order whole bedroom sets, vote for dancing with the stars, change a flat tire, pick up a prostitute, or even order a 6 piece with mild sauce and a mystic from Harolds, and all these processes are easier than voting.  AND THEN DO YOU REALIZE THAT WE HAVE TO VOTE ON A WORK DAY? ITS ALREADY HARD GETTING TO WORK ON A REGULAR DAY!!

Antp's Solution:  Stop making election day the first tuesday of November.  Shit gets done on the weekend, and so should voting.  This should be the most obvious solution.  Aint nothing easy when I gotta wake up to 'beat the crowds' and that includes buying Jordans and voting.

2) WHY DO I HAVE TO VOTE AT ONE PARTICULAR POLLING PLACE ON ELECTION DAY?
We put a man on the moon, we made snooki famous in america, why the hell can't I vote where I want to on election day?  Yes I know that if you vote early you can vote at any selected place, but we all know one thing...BLACK PEOPLE AINT DOING NOTHING EARLY...we just not.  So I am sure technology has advanced far enough that you can make it possible to vote anywhere in the city.  This shit is so outdated that people were calling me yesterday if they could vote anywhere and when I told them no, they just looked confuse.  I can vote right after work if you let me use the polling place by it jerks...

Antp's solution:  Make polling places on election day open to where anybody can vote anywhere in a city...I think thats simple as hell to do!

3) PUT THE POLLING PLACES AT VENUES THAT BLACK FOLK WILL BE AT?
Niggas aint trying to go to church on sundays, let alone on a cold tuesday.  Early voting at the police station? Not when I got warrants chief. 

Antps solution: Lets get some polls at places you know niggas be at like Aldi's, Ultra, East of the Ryan, the 50 Yard line, hell even my house.  Any nigga who throw live house parties should request his house to be a polling place.  You know its people on the North Side of Chicago who houses are polling places?  This would work for us, I would even have Ella make spinach dip if you niggas came to vote at my crib...

4) WE JUST STARTED BEING AWARE OF THE ISSUES SINCE 2007...
...When Obama started his campaign.  I know alot of my friends have been aware way longer than that, but the average black person couldnt tell you who held all the office in the state before 2008.  Thats when people had election night viewing parties and all type of cute stuff.  And since we got Obama in, we all thought we did our job and that we didnt have to pay attention anymore.  Admit, some of yall aint even know it was an election this year until two weeks ago.  If we don't educate ourselves nobody will.  With all this technology around us, we still dont pay attention to the most important thing...THE NEWS....I watch the news at least three times a week just to see what type of shit they trying to pull off.
Antp's solution: Just read and watch, you'll be surprised how many bs laws they are trying to pass on our ass!

5) WE JUST DON'T CARE
Even though Im writing this blog, in the end...we as a whole still wont get out to vote unless they take something critical away from us,  like our right to be a hoodrat or sag pants.  We too comfortable.  There is no rallying cause for us to be unified behind, the black leaders in our country now our either a) untrustworthy or b) not compelling enough.  And the fact that everybody thought when Obama got it in that magical things were going to happen (like lazy niggas magically getting jobs) that they got discouraged when they dont see immediate results.  This is just the state we are in, sad but true, and to get out of that....I don't have an answer for as of yet...

TIL ANOTHER DAY...HOLLA AT YA BOY!